What happens when you take a really skanky sex story and dress it up in a lot of flowery words? You get the Bible. Or large chunks of it, anyway.
Sure, rather than using phrases such as “reverse frog squat,” or “slinging manjam,” Biblical sex is referenced almost exclusively as “coming in unto” (a phrase still used by porn stars who tend to drop the “in unto”). But once you get past the unimaginative verbs, the Bible has some nasty, nasty stories. Such as: